What happens
What actually happens?
The two things people say put them off most are not knowing what to say, and being embarrassed. Both are made easier when you know what to expect.
The details
Getting in touch the first time
Email me. Some people find a first phone call with a stranger genuinely overwhelming.
I'll reply with two options: arrange a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video call, or book your first session.
In either case, I will ask what has brought you, whether you have had counselling before, and what times/days suit. You can ask me anything. By the end, we come to an agreement. If I am not the right person, I will say so and suggest where else to look.
The room described
Getting in. Ground floor entrance from the street. There is one buzzer. Press it and I will let you in. Walk straight through both sets of double doors into the waiting area.
Waiting. The waiting area has low volume ambient music playing. There is no receptionist. If you are early, you are welcome to sit in the waiting area, in your car or walk round the block, and I will not think anything of it.
Light. Two windows, no overhead fluorescents are used. A tall warm light lamp in the corner, and a small desk lamp opposite. You are welcome to switch off either. The windows have blinds if the light is too much.
Sound. Quiet. Low noise from the rare street traffic. Occasional plane can be heard overhead. No music inside the counselling rooms, no air conditioning hum. The occasional sound of the entry system "buzzer" which is a short tune.
Smell. Nothing added. However I do wear perfume.
Seating. Three fabric covered armchairs. You choose where to sit. The clock can be moved or taken away. There is a soft blanket you are welcome to use or bring your own.
Toilets. Small cubicle and disabled are on the same floor, approximately ten steps away from the counselling room, and you can use either mid-session without explaining.
The first session
Fifty minutes. There will be some paperwork, I will ask you some questions, go over confidentiality, and then I will ask what you would like to use the time for. That is the whole structure.
You do not have to start at the beginning and you do not have to start with the worst thing. If you sit and say nothing for the first ten minutes that is allowed, and it happens more than you think. If it helps to bring notes on your phone and read from them, do that.
You can stim, fidget, pace, knit, doodle, keep your coat on, or look out of the window the entire time. None of that is a problem.
Confidentiality, and its limits
What you say stays between us. I keep brief written notes, held securely and separately from your name, and I discuss my work in supervision without identifying you.
There are limits, and you should know them before you start rather than after. I may have to pass something on if I believe there is a serious risk to your life or to someone else's, particularly a child, or if the law requires it. Wherever I possibly can, I will talk to you about it first.
How often, and for how long
Usually weekly, or fortnightly, at the same time and day. Because a predictable slot does some of the work on its own.
We agree on a rough number of sessions initially. Some people come for six weeks and some for two years. We look at how it's going about half way through our number of sessions, and again whenever either of us thinks we should.
How it ends
You can stop whenever you like and you do not owe me an explanation. What I would ask, where you can manage it, is that you come to one last session to end it properly rather than not turning up. Endings are worth doing well and are often the most useful hour of the lot.
Online sessions
The same fifty minutes over an encrypted video call on Microsoft Teams. It works well if you are rural, without a car, sensitive to unfamiliar buildings, or would simply rather not sit in a room in your own town.
You can keep your camera off. Some people do for the first few weeks and some for the whole time. You need somewhere you will not be overheard, and headphones help. I will send the link in advance.
Between sessions
Email me to change or cancel an appointment. I am not a crisis service and I do not read emails in the evenings or at weekends, so please use the urgent help page if you need somebody before your next session.